How to stay strong when all is crashing down around you!
Let’s face it, we all have our bad days, some are better than others, some worse. How do you cope when your bad days becomes weeks, months, years? When crisis after crisis seems to be piling up and you feel you just cannot handle any more? How do you stay strong when your partner leaves you, you lose your job or you face a medical challenge? I am not talking about physical strength I am talking about emotional and mental strength. Some people seem to survive better than others; do you think they have a secret to help them stay strong? Well, it may not exactly be a secret, but those who stay strong in the face of adversity do share some common traits. We can learn from them.
Denial is NOT the way to stay strong!
Ignoring our crises just delays the inevitable; the day our world really comes crashing down. The British have a saying, “keep a stiff upper lip” which basically means don’t show your emotions, stay strong by not crying. I do not advise that as a tactic. All you are doing is stuffing your emotions deep down inside where they just grow and multiply. The moment your stiff upper lip wobbles, the flood gates open. Now, I am not suggesting copious weeping is the answer either! Crying a lot in public can alieniate the very people you need to help you stay strong, but not crying at all can be just as unhealthy.
Key traits survivors show to stay strong
1. Stay strong by focusing on what you can control. Practice acceptance of what you cannot control. Some things are just out of our control. It is pointless raging against natural disaster; yes be angry and sad that it has happened but the faster you accept it, the faster you can deal with the consequences. We cannot control other people’s actions. We can guide our children, but they will make mistakes. Our job as parents is to teach them how to avoid the worst mistakes, but also how to deal with the outcome of errors in judgement. Shouting at them about the mistake will not solve it. You may well be feeling guilt that somehow you have let them down, but that is not productive. Accept they have strayed and help them back on the right path. In the same way, however much we love our partner we cannot and should not control them. They are individuals who have the capacity to both love and hurt us.
2. Stay strong by living in the present moment. Dwelling on past mistakes saps your energy and you lose focus. We do have to learn from mistakes, but oddly enough, the more we recall them the more likely we are to repeat them.
Mistakes we repeat with regularity rise from the Toddler brain. They turn short-term setbacks into long-term losses and temporary pain into long-term suffering. In the Adult brain, we learn from past mistakes, grow from them, and soar above them
People who stay strong in the middle of chaos are adults, using their adult brains, living in the present, not hanging onto the past. We need to take responsibility for past mistakes and move forward.
3. Stay strong by practicing gratitude rather than resentment. If you constantly resent others actions, successes, and happiness you weaken your own emotional state. Be grateful that your friend is doing well and that gratitude will attract good things into your life. When life gets tough be grateful for the good parts. It balances out and helps you to handle the not so good days. You stay strong by avoiding self pity- replacing it with gratitude for what you do have.
4. Stay strong by accepting and embracing change. The status quo may seem comforting but life does not stand still. Most crises cause change, whether you want it or not. You are suddenly thrust into a different environment, having to fend for yourself in a totally different way. You could go and bury your head in the sand and just hope it will all go back to the way it was; but it is not going to happen. You could cry, shout and stubbornly refuse to change anything you do, while watching it all go to hell and back. Or, you could accept that change is upon you and you need to respond. Successful people stay strong when their plans fail because they see change as a challenge not a disaster. They adapt to the change, they look at things from a different viewpoint and emerge stronger than before.
5. Stay strong by choosing happiness. Now, in the middle of a life shattering event it is pretty difficult to consider happiness as an option. I understand that you need to work your way through the stages of grief when experiencing loss. However, you can find those small moments of happiness within even the darkest times. Do not feel guilty if something makes you laugh, go with it, your body and mind need it. You will find it easier to stay strong if you acknowledge happy moments and if you refuse to dwell with negativity on what is happening. People with mental and emotional strength hold onto their own power. They don’t allow others to make them feel bad or inferior. They choose a happy path despite the hand wringing and gloom and doom around them.
You can stay strong and find happiness after setbacks, disasters and life’s crises. Adopt the above traits and remember the words of Confucius
“Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.”
You are so right - focus on what we CAN control. Living in the present moment and staying in gratitude is excellent advice! Let’s ALL choose happiness. Thanks for your awesome blog!!!! I also LOVE the Confucius quote!