Low Self Esteem – A Challenge!

Having low self esteem can be devastating. It may be the reason happiness has eluded you so far but it does not have to be that way. You are extraordinary, you just don’t know it right now! How you see yourself colors the way life looks to you but you can change that color from dark to light. We attract what we think, so negativity about ourselves brings yet more negative experiences.

What is needed is a shift in the way you think about yourself.

“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Wayne Dyer.

You are shaped by your experiences but you have a choice as to how you see those experiences. Remember, much of what you experienced as a child was filtered through a child’s perception of reality. You are an adult now. Many people only understand their parents’ behavior when they become parents themselves! Much of what you felt as a child lacked any understanding of the circumstances surrounding those experiences. You may have felt that somehow you were to blame for your parents’ unhappiness but it was their unhappiness, perhaps with each other, you were seeing. It was not your fault and the low self esteem that resulted was not their intention.

Check out my video on self perception ( I am in Chicago - Windy City!)

Causes of low self esteem

Psychologists have long debated the influence of nature versus nurture but most agree that low self esteem stems from the nurture part of our lives. There was a movement in the 70′s to tackle low self esteem, especially among children, by instructing parents, care givers and schools to constantly praise children and remove the concept of “losing” from their vocabulary. This had an uncomfortable side effect; that of removing reality from children’s lives! Jim Taylor, Ph.D in Psychology Today would argue that the backlash from that approach has caused far more harm than good!

Unfortunately, life has a way of providing a reality check and children learned the hard way that they weren’t as fabulous as their parents told them they were. Parents were also told to praise and reinforce and reward their children no matter what they did. The result: lower self-esteem and children who were self-centered and spoiled.

Read more at: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-power-prime/201006/popular-culture-americas-self-esteem-problem

It is not in doubt, however, that constant criticism in our early lives can create low self esteem, but unrealistic praise is not the answer. Some people suffer unbearable traumas in their childhood which can have a crippling effect on their development and lead to chronic low self esteem issues and they may need professional help to overcome the effects. Other sources of low self esteem are the unrealistic expectations of beauty, success and fame we see reported in the media constantly. So, how do you restore the balance? How do you tackle your low self esteem and set your feet back on the path to happiness?

5 Steps to Tackling Low Self Esteem

1. Your first step in dealing with your low self esteem is to notice your self talk.

Beware the inner ogre! You see the world around you through a lens colored by your own perception of self. When someone tells you they like your new hairstyle, is your first thought, “they hated how my hair was before”? When confronted by a challenge is your default setting, “I’ll mess this up”? STOP THIS! You are setting yourself up to fail, to be unhappy, to even further lower your already low self esteem.

Next time you are confronted by a difficult situation,a challenge, LISTEN to yourself. What do you say to yourself? Change that self talk from negative to positive. Say, “I can do this…” Yes, you may need to think hard about how you are going to tackle this, but your first step is to believe that you can tackle it.

2. Your next step in handling your low self esteem is to be kind to yourself

If your default setting is to feel unworthy then you need to start treating yourself with kindness and respect. Think of yourself as a baby learning new things. Watch how children will naturally assume that if they keep trying they will eventually get there! Nurture yourself at each step of trying. Unlearn any discouragement you may have received as a child. Replace your childhood perceptions with new ones, seen through your now adult eyes. Being kind to yourself does not mean that you will not sometimes get things wrong, we all make mistakes, we are human! However, most of us forgive a child their mistakes, so forgive yourself when you stumble.

3. Another step in handling low self esteem is to adopt an attitude of gratitude

When we feel bad about ourselves it tends to color our perceptions of our lives. You may be guilty of making sweeping statements such as “My Life Sucks!” Well, frankly that is not true. However rough your life is right now, there is always something to be grateful for. Focus on those good things in your life. if you are a parent, rejoice in your children and that way you also avoid saddling them with low self esteem in the future. Be grateful for small things such as the smell of fresh cut grass, the sun shining, the sound of laughter and the universe will send you more to be grateful for. This shift in your thinking will have an immediate effect in coloring your world.

4. The fourth step in tackling low self esteem is to choose your guides wisely

In much the same way as your parents, friends, the media may be a factor in your low self esteem, so too are the people you surround yourself with now. It is a sad truth that those with low self esteem often attract others who want to control and manipulate them. If you feel badly about yourself you risk putting yourself into a victim state which can be abused by others. It may be subtle, but think, does your partner make you feel good about yourself? Do they compliment you but you are unable to accept the compliment? Then, that is your own inner ogre speaking. Next time they say something nice about how you look or an achievement of yours; smile, thank them, believe them. On the other hand, if their “compliments” always seem to have a, BUT, following them, a negative moment that makes you feel insecure, then that is their problem not yours. You are being manipulated to make them feel good at your expense. People who do this to you are not people you want to be around! Yes, when you have a challenge to tackle or want reassurance it is good to have other people to boost your self-confidence. However, if the advice tends to make you feel less worthy, is discouraging, negative, “for your own good” be wary of the advice. It may seem simple, but surrounding yourself with happy positive people is far more likely to create happiness in your own life.

5. The power of affirmations, visualization and a journal in tackling low self esteem

If your self talk is negative the universe obliges with more negative situations. So, you need to change self talk into loud, out there, positive talk! Affirmations are one way to shift your self belief from the negative to the positive. Simply put, affirmations are statements of positive intent. I am beautiful, I am successful, I am...for example. Mastering affirmations takes a bit of practice and a good resource is Michele Penn’s site- peaceinthepresentmoment.net. You can also find some audio affirmations at http://www.loaaffirmations.com/. Keeping a positive journal can also help to shift your low self esteem from the negative to the positive. Write down all the good things that happen each day and how you responded. By seeing your actions in writing you can identify negative patterns of behavior and make an intention to change them. Another way to challenge your low self esteem is to visualize a better way of being. I have created a visualization book that can help with this and you can get it for free, simply by signing up in the box on the right of this page, or in the box below.

You can tackle your low self esteem. Start by following these 5 steps and if you need further help, then feel free to contact me and ask! I offer a free initial consultation which you can find here. Remember, low self esteem is a challenge, it does not have to be a way of life. Don’t forget to leave a comment below- I love to hear from you!