How to have a happy relationship

We all want a happy relationship, a loving marriage but we are never taught how to achieve this.

“Have you ever had a conversation about where we learned to give love or how we show someone we love them? There are no lessons on “love giving” at school!”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/amanda-gore/love-and-relationships_b_4715050.html

Is yours a happy relationship?

Let’s start by asking what do you think of your spouse, your significant other, your partner? What kind of adjectives go through your mind when you think of them? Are they words like smart, loving, resourceful, fun, funny, responsible, loving, helpful and happy? Or are they words like, irresponsible, lazy, dull, boring, lacking, dumb acting and disappointing, to name a few. If you are thinking the second set of thoughts you should know that you have something to do with the creation and magnification of the very qualities that you believe are hurting your relationship. Are you sabotaging your chances at a happy relationship?

As anyone living in the age of depressing divorce rates knows, a happy long-term couple is almost like a unicorn:

Let me say right here that if you’re dealing with a partner that is physically or emotionally abusing you, a raging alcoholic, or addict of any kind then put down this article. If that’s what you’re going through then I have other ways to help you and this information isn’t particularly for you. This is for the person with a partner they respect for their deep down values and overall behavior.

Are you creating a happy relationship or a miserable one?

Getting back to you taking some responsibility, I know it’s difficult to accept that what you focus on grows and even magically does so in the person you’re most involved with. It’s a strange fact of the Law of Attraction. If you think of our existence on this earth plane as a school always presenting you with different classes that are comprised of an itinerary of your own making, then you realize why and how this happens.

Now for a moment, remember back to what attracted you to your significant other in the first place. How did you describe them then? Are the words even remotely similar to the ones you answered to above? Did you find them attractive? Do you still? Did you find them smart or funny, or fun, or romantic and desirable? Do you still? You can again and I’m going to tell you how.

“When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.” Wayne Dyer

My own happy relationship

To illustrate this I will tell you a little about my own relationship of over 33 years. We’ve had our ups and downs like most couples, but here we are best friends and growing older together in spite of the downs.

A few years ago we were having a particularly rough time. I wasn’t happy with how he was handling our life and our future together and most of the time I found myself finding fault with him AND doing so out loud. Most of my directed attention to him was about what he was doing wrong and how he was disappointing me. It was about what he wasn’t doing instead of what he was doing. I felt awful and my disposition was sour and sad. I felt angry, disappointed and at my wits end, until I changed something. I decided to take a lesson from my own teachings and this lesson was all about this:

What you give attention to grows. And sure enough I was giving a whole lot of attention to what I didn’t like about my hubby and getting a heck of a lot more of that, more what I didn’t like. My life was miserable and so was his. If anyone had asked me at that time I would have honestly said that at the moment we did NOT have a happy relationship!

I decided to make a very simple change and it worked like magic and led to additional changes. I simply started to look at and comment about what he did that I liked. I put my attention on the things I liked about him, his good qualities and his good deeds. No I didn’t completely ignore the other stuff, but I consciously gave more attention to the good instead of the not so good. Magic happened. He responded in the most beautiful way. He began to feel appreciated and he liked it. Because he liked it he began acting in ways that he knew I appreciated. It snowballed from there. I liked what he was doing and how he was behaving more and more and I always let him know which made him feel important and worthy. I became happier which made me more fun to be with and someone whom he wanted to please. Our relationship completely transformed and I don’t think the initial change took any more than three weeks to really blossom. Since then it’s gotten even better. When things are going wrong I simply go back to the beginning and start paying attention to the good and voila, it works every time! I suspect he’s doing the same with me and this is a manipulation I like.

5 simple things you can do every day to get back your happy relationship

1. Ask yourself what do I like right now about him/her and express it.

2. Let them know you need them; that they’re important to you.

3. Pay attention to them and make sure you are giving time to your relationship. Intimacy’s secret is simple. It is attention. Simple attention.

(http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-intimately/201105/attention-is-the-most-basic-form-love-2)

4. Listen to what they are saying and try reflective listening.

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reflective_listening)

5. Be polite. After all, shouldn’t you be as polite to your significant other as you are to a complete stranger?!

Put these simple steps into action, put your attention on the good and enjoy your happy relationship.

Watch this short video and program yourself to focus on the good, the things you love about your relationships and you’ll magically receive more of that.

Get your free 5 min guided meditation/visualization to create Peace & Clarity, mp3 immediate download now.

- See more at: http://loranegordon.com/yourhappinessway/each-moment-is-new/#sthash.E27fRnnX.dpuf

Other posts you may find useful… All you Need is Love, Positive thinking.. The Secret to getting what you want