Find true love without searching! Really???
You know that saying, “if you keep searching for love you’ll never find it”? So, you’re supposed to just carry on with life and hope that Mr or Miss Right will just show up? So, there you are in your comfie PJ’s curled up watching Desperate Housewives with a large tub of Ben & Jerry’s and Mr Darcy-lookalike is going to ring your doorbell? Hmmm, I don’t think so. How about that other phrase, “You’ve got to be in it to win it”? Painful as it may be, especially if you have had nothing but disaster when trying to find true love, you have got to be out there for true love to find you.
However, I’m getting ahead of myself…your first step if you want to find true love, is to love yourself.
Step One to Find True Love - Stop Beating Yourself Up!
Listen to your self-talk. Do you tell yourself you’re too fat, too ugly, too weak, too stupid, too…insert insult here, to ever find true love? Let me ask you something. If you don’t believe you are worthy of love why should anybody else? STOP IT! We are all worthy of love and if you don’t believe me, take a look around you. Do you see only pretty women and handsome men holding hands, kissing, laughing together. I don’t mean look at the TV and movies, they are a terrible place to discover how to find true love. I mean watch couples in the grocery store, the parking lot, at the hot dog stand; in REAL life.
Learn to love yourself by defeating your inner critic and putting a stop to that negative self-talk. Then write some really strong positive affirmations about yourself and say them every day, morning, and night. Be realistic about your limitations but don’t let them get in the way of finding true love. Harness them instead. So, you think you would be happier if you lost a few pounds, or at least less self-conscious? OK, make that a goal instead of berating yourself about your weight. Get smart - choose an activity to help you lose weight - but select one that men enjoy! This could be as simple as cycling in the park, or join a cycling club, plenty of men there! Join a gym, men love to workout, but choose carefully and observe the types of people who go there. You want ordinary people like you not narcissistic body builders.
If you feel less than perfect and let’s face it, who is perfect anyway, then treat yourself. Have a new haircut, shed the old you as the hairdresser works their magic. Have a facial, buy some new make up, new shoes, anything that makes you feel special. You ARE special, you just might need to remind yourself of that fact.
Step 2 to Find True Love - Change Your Expectations
What is true love? We define our perfect partner in many ways but if you ask people who are truly in love to describe it, they rarely say anything about their partners’ looks or income or job status. Instead they talk about how that person makes them feel. They use words like, happy, secure, trust, values, protected, supported, understood. None of that comes from looks or income, yet we persist in defining potential partners by what they do, how much they earn or how they look!
I rather like this somewhat harsh quote from Simon Cowell, because it highlights what so often defines relationships
People confuse ego, lust, insecurity with true love.
Now, don’t get me wrong, there is definitely a place for lust in this world, even better if it is within a secure relationship! However, pure lust clouds judgement and is not true love. If you want to understand how ego can get in the way of true love, check out Deepak Chopra’s blog and video on the topic What is Ego? If you allow ego to get in the way you don’t find true love because, what you are presenting to others is not your true self. Insecurity is often the reason people make poor choices in relationships. They feel insecure and look for someone to make them feel better. The result can be a relationship with a dangerous balance of power, where one partner dominates and controls the other. Yes, true love can make you feel secure, but it is not a substitute for insecurity, not a way for you to feel whole.
So, change your expectations if you want to find true love. decide on the values in a person that are important to you. Write them down and repeat them as affirmations, e.g I AM going to find true love with a kind person, who supports me in my career, who makes me laugh and who adores me, I AM! Be very clear about what is truly important to you in a life partner and ditch the values that society puts upon people. Now, you have to bring that true love into your life…and I can help you develop these techniques if you want some support, just go here
Step 3 To Find True Love - Get Out There!
So, this is where all those old excuses rear their ugly heads. You say to yourself; I don’t have the money to socialize; all my friends are married or have partners; I don’t want to make fool of myself etc. We have already established that you are not going to find true love sitting on your sofa. Having changed your self perception and your expectations you are now more ready to put yourself out into society. With more confidence you send that energy out and attract a matching energy. The universe recognizes your energy, it sees that you have a clear idea of what qualities your partner should have and it responds. You need to relax and trust that you will find true love and now focus on creating new connections with people. So, yes, join a club, take up a new hobby and trust that you will meet someone.
The absolute worse that can happen is that you start having fun! No, you are not “searching” for love; you are making yourself open to finding it- there is a difference. It won’t knock on your door, but it will find you, at the coffee shop , where now you actually talk to people. In the park where you are enjoying nature because it makes you feel good. At your friends’ wedding where your new found confidence and smile make you so attractive. If you can silence that negative self-talk and be clear about what you want from a partner you are half way to finding true love. Your improved positive outlook on yourself and life makes you attractive, it draws people to you. Don’t be too quick to judge the new people you meet; they may not be your true love, but they may lead to them!
My radio show guest this week is a favorite interview of mine with Marion Baker on the topic of finding true love.
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/yourhappinessway/2015/07/30/find-your-true-love-with-marion-baker
If you want an inexpensive guide to attracting love, check out my 3 Steps to Love Program
Share your stories about finding true love- they will make us all smile 🙂
No comments yet.